Harbula
on Life Purpose and Relationship?
by
Clarise Leopold
According
to Patrick J. Harbula, Life and Relationships Coach, after
a divorce, in the midst of illness, after losing a job or
any life-altering event, the most important step is to reestablish
one’s sense of self. According to Harbula: “When
a relationship ends, people go through a natural stage of
reassessing who they are, because there is a natural tendency
to identify oneself in the context of the role of the relationship.
When married, we introduce each other as my husband or my
wife, and we take on that identification. When the relationship
ends, the role ends and there is not only a mourning of the
lost partner but of the lost sense of self-identity. "Now
that I am no longer a wife, who am I.”
This same dynamic occurs when someone loses a job, because
part of the self-identification is tied up in the work role.
It occurs when one is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness,
because the identification as a healthy being has been challenged.
While pain is present in all of these experiences, there is
also an unprecedented opportunity to rediscover oneself at
a deeper level. The loss is what triggers the need to see
more clearly into whom one is beneath the role identification
that has been lost. Harbula uses a simple formula to identify
and formulate a life purpose definition, which clarifies what
an individual is about, what their highest values are and
what they are here to accomplish in life.
He
says that he defines life purpose as “what we love to
do that makes the world a better place or in some way contributes
to the lives of others.” While understanding life’s
purpose does not guarantee that the pain of loss will go away,
it does create hope for the future and fills the void with
a recognition of one’s self-worth.
Harbula speaks of miracles that have resulted by using this
formula with his clients. “This formula can create miracles
for people no matter what their current life situation, but
when people are going through life transitions, their receptivity
to a deeper revealing of their essential life purpose is magnified.
I find that women in general seem to be more receptive to
this process than some men, especially in times of re-identification.
Because of our historical cultural bias, which still exists
to some degree on a practical level but more importantly on
a psychological level—of men being the “breadwinner”
and women the “homemaker”—women are generally
more interested in going deeper into the discovery of who
they are beneath their roles.”
According
to Harbula the life purpose definition can become a mantra
that is used to create a consistent application of life purpose
into daily living. This is especially useful in helping people
to move toward a specific goal, resolve conflicts in existing
relationships, getting new relationships off on the right
foot, and it is a most powerful tool for maintaining healthy
relationships. According to Harbula, “once someone has
identified their life purpose and they consciously apply that
purpose in how they relate to their partner, an incredible
shift occurs.
The
life purpose definition becomes an intention that we can fulfill
through any interaction at any moment in time, and believe
it or not, it relates to the quality or guidance that we didn’t
receive enough of when we were children. So if I didn’t
get enough support as a child then my life purpose definition
would have something to do with supporting others. I would
feel my best when I am supporting others through my job and
in any interaction with other people. It is what I struggle
with the most to give myself and others, because it was not
modeled for me as a child, but it is also what I value the
most. When I have a strong intention to support my significant
other when in relationship, I become be the best partner I
can be, and I will be more fulfilled as well. Of course the
most important place to apply this purpose is to myself otherwise
it can become co-dependent.”
According
to Harbula, “it may seem obvious that if I apply what
I didn’t’ receive enough of as a child in my relationship
that the quality of the relationship will be enhanced, but
you would be amazed at how often it is, that the last place
people apply their purpose is to their relationship.”
Harbula also helps people to through transitions by accepting,
embracing, and honoring their feelings, recognizing what they
have gained through the experience, and focusing on a grand
vision for their life, something to move toward while they
are applying their purpose in the here and now.
Toll
Free 866-204-2261
Living
Purpose Institute
2593
Young Avenue
Thousand
Oaks, CA 91360
patrick@magicofthesoul.com
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